


Where The Sun Don't Shine

by reginahalliwell



Series: Sex Bloopers [20]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Canon Queer Relationship, David Rose's Rings, Drunk Sex, Intimacy, M/M, Sex Blooper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:47:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25228564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginahalliwell/pseuds/reginahalliwell
Summary: David drunkenly forgets to remove his rings before sexy times with Patrick.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Sex Bloopers [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1423777
Comments: 9
Kudos: 121





	Where The Sun Don't Shine

**Author's Note:**

> I dreamt this fic, woke up, and simply had to write it.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, David,” Patrick gasped out breathlessly, his entire body shaking with desire. “I need you, please, I want you inside me.”

“God, yes, baby, I know, I want that too.” David’s eyes were dilated, the wine making him horny as hell and desperate for his boyfriend.

“It’s not enough, I need your fingers,” Patrick ground out, unable to stop his body from moving against David’s despite his clear intentions.

Patrick moved against him, their hips pressed together, friction heightening their arousal, but it wasn’t what either of them needed tonight. Patrick’s eyes closed, rolling into the back of his head as David finally reached his hand below Patrick’s waistband, seeking his impossibly hard cock to ease some of the desperation.

“No, want to come with you in my ass,” Patrick insisted, his own drunkenness making him sound whiny and desperate.

“You’re so beautiful, Patrick, want to see my fingers fucking your ass. You want that, don’t you?”

“God, fuck me, David, stop talking. No don’t stop talking, just, please, I need you—“

“I know, I know, me too,” David cut him off. “Fuck,” he said, hastily pulling down Patrick’s jeans, a little haphazardly, letting them fall to the floor and not caring where they landed. His boyfriend was fucking gorgeous and the wine made everything slow down just a bit, like David could really focus on Patrick’s heaving chest, his scrunched-up face needy with arousal, the auburn treasure trail leading down into his boxer briefs.

Words left them as David finally got Patrick’s underwear off, then at the last second David felt compelled to remove his own. He let out a low groan as his cock sprang free, the chill of the cool air tickling his hot skin with pinpricks of desire.

David dove headfirst into Patrick’s groin, burying his face in the hair there like he wanted to breathe it in, pull Patrick’s scent into him like oxygen. He nosed at Patrick’s balls, eliciting a whine from his boyfriend. “Please,” Patrick begged again, the light touch of David’s face not giving him what he wanted. What he seemed to _need._

“Yes, yes, baby, I know, I’m going to give you what you need,” David said, though something tugged at the back of his consciousness, like there was something he was forgetting. It slipped from his mind like smoke, falling away as David focused on the sight of Patrick’s hard cock right in front of him. Leaning in, David licked right at the tip before taking the head of Patrick’s cock into his mouth, laving it with his tongue before sucking hard.

Patrick gasped and moaned beneath him, rolling his head back and forth, awash in sensation and oblivious to everything but the feeling of David’s mouth around him, David’s nails digging into his thighs.

David pulled his mouth off of Patrick’s dick long enough to slip his own fingers in his mouth, covering them with saliva and precome, then returning Patrick into his warmth. A finger slipped back to Patrick’s hole, gently running around the rim as David’s movements continued on Patrick’s cock. He ran his wet finger around Patrick’s asshole, pressing firmly into his perineum, then teasing back around that pucker again, laughing as Patrick moved further into him, orienting his body towards David.

“Fuck, please,” Patrick whined. “I need it, David, I need your fingers in me,” he said again. He felt an urgency about it that came through in his desperate pleas.

Finally—or suddenly—but not soon enough, David’s pointer finger pressed into Patrick’s ass. David let out a little hum of approval around Patrick’s cock, loving the tightness of his boyfriend’s ass around his finger. He fucked it in and out, gently enough at first then more deeply as Patrick responded with fervor.

“More,” Patrick demanded, his hands digging into the muscle of David’s broad shoulders. His fingernails pressed crescents into David’s skin, little red divots and scratches that showed just how desperate Patrick was.

David didn’t speak, focused as he was on sucking Patrick’s cock, though his responding groan was followed by a second finger sneaking inside. That vague sense of concern slipped back towards David’s focus, hovering just on the edge, just out of sight, but whatever it was, making Patrick come was so much more important at the moment.

Two fingers and Patrick was so fucking tight around him. These days, he could take three with not too much stretching, and he was just right for having David’s cock inside him, but tonight, for whatever reason, Patrick’s ass was clenched around David’s fingers harder than usual. He could feel Patrick’s building orgasm, could tell with every scissored stretch and every brush against Patrick’s prostate that fingers were all he was going to be able to get inside Patrick tonight. Patrick wasn’t going to be able to hold out much longer, his orgasm like a tidal wave heading towards them both, massive and inevitable.

David reached his left hand down to take his own cock in hand, somehow managing the multitasking of sucking, finger-fucking, and jacking all at once. His movements up and down his own cock were harried, fragmented and rushed, like he couldn’t help but focus most of his divided attention on Patrick. David could suck cock in his sleep, but the haze of the wine made everything a little dreamier, a little less sharp, and he had to focus harder to keep his fingers moving in Patrick as his boyfriend struggled beneath him.

Patrick wasn’t saying words anymore, just vocalizing sounds, which was just as well, because David’s mouth was full and he didn’t want to remove Patrick’s cock in order to respond. They both just gave themselves over to the overwhelming desperation and pleasure, letting their bodies work together as they knew how to do so well.

David could feel his own orgasm building, but Patrick was closer. He moved his fingers in and out, putting gentle pressure against his rim every so often, varying the sensations, and he knew Patrick wasn’t going to last more than a few moments more.

Then all of a sudden, David felt something shift, and he knew exactly what it was that had been hovering like a warning at the edge of his consciousness. His arousal fell away, his brain sobered up, and he was suddenly very concerned. Patrick was in the throes of pleasure, almost ready to tip over the edge, and there was nothing David wanted more than to help him get there. Well, almost nothing. Because as much as he wanted Patrick to come, even more than that, he wanted Patrick to be safe. And what he hadn’t realized, in both of their drunkenness, in their desperation for each other, was that he had not taken his rings off.

David had made plenty of fucked up decisions in his life, and some of the worst were when he was out of his mind on some party drug. Wine—even as much of it as they had both had tonight—had never caused David to slip up like this.

The platinum bands were always on his hand, always, and he had never had his happen before. It was a rookie mistake. Never, _ever_ put something in an asshole you can’t reliably retrieve. David’s fingers stilled, trying to figure out whether the three rings on his pointer and middle fingers were still there.

“Why’d you stop?” Patrick asked, sensing something had changed. This wasn’t one of their games, where they might edge each other before finally letting the other one come. And this wasn’t David teasing him. No, something was wrong. The look on David’s face, the sudden concern and concentration made it clear to Patrick that something was different.

He gasped, red-faced and sweaty, and tried to slow his breathing and tamp his desire.

“Umm,” David said, not wanting to panic his boyfriend. “So, I’m going to take my fingers out, and I need you not to clench, okay?”

“Why? What’s wrong?” Patrick asked. David bit his lip, his other hand coming up from his softening cock to gently rest on Patrick’s abdomen.

“Everything is going to be fine, I don’t want you to stress. Just, trust me, and relax, okay?”

Patrick’s eyes held David’s, the wine buzz gone now, leaving only a sense of tiredness in its wake. Patrick made an effort to relax, letting his thighs unclench and his ass release David’s fingers without too much trouble.

“Fuck, okay,” David said to himself, looking down at his hand in disbelief. One ring each graced his pointer and middle fingers, with a third on his pinkie. How could he not have noticed the one on his first knuckle coming off in Patrick’s ass? How drunk must he have been to forget one of the cardinal rules of ass play??

“So, here’s the thing,” David started. “I forgot to take my rings off before I started fingering you,” he explained, and Patrick’s eyes widened in understanding before he even finished. “And it looks like one of them,” he held up his hand so Patrick could see the missing fourth ring, “is now, umm, in your ass.”

There was a moment of silence as Patrick tried to take in this unfortunate situation. David sat silently in front of him, wishing with every fiber of his being that he was wrong. But no, there were only three rings on his right hand, and he had definitely started the evening with four.

Patrick let out a loud exhale, trying to hold himself perfectly still. “Okay,” Patrick said, more trying to reassure himself than David. “What do we do?”

David sat there for a moment thinking, then took all his remaining rings off and set them on the nightstand. It was habit to do that before bed anyway, and he had no idea how this perfect storm of desire and drunkenness had short circuited his muscle memory so much. “Umm, okay, first of all, it’s going to be fine, so just, keep calm,” he said. “And, um, so I’m going to reach back in and see if it’s just right there and I can grab it.” He waited for a nod from Patrick, who swallowed and then rested his head on the pillow, closing his eyes as though to concentrate carefully on not clenching around David’s fingers.

David moved over a bit, grabbed some lube, and coated his fingers in it. “Okay, so, just, yeah, relax.” He closed his eyes as he pressed a finger inside again, searching through Patrick’s warmth for the metal ring. He could feel it, there, just beyond his reach, so he stilled his finger again. “Okay,” he nodded, and opened his eyes to look at Patrick, whose eyes were wide with trust and concern. “I found it. Can you, um, bear down?”

He didn’t know how else to say it except ‘like you’re trying to poop,’ but lord knows he wasn’t going to say that unless he absolutely had to. Thankfully, Patrick understood what he meant without saying it outright, and he could feel Patrick’s muscles inside trying to press down, undulating to move anything in there towards his hole. “Keep going,” David encouraged, “I can almost get it.” He might end up with shit on his fingers, but it would be worth it if they didn’t have to go to the ER for something like this.

After a few more moments on Patrick bearing down, the ring slipped close enough that David could hook the tip of his finger through it. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, thankful that everything was going to be okay.

Patrick must have seen David’s relief on his face or felt the finger inside him hook, because he asked “Got it?” to confirm.

David nodded, then gently leaned up to kiss him. “Relax now,” he said, “I’ve got you.” He carefully pulled his finger back, pressing firmly to one side to ensure the ring would not slip off. Patrick concentrated hard to keep his rim from clenching around David as he removed his finger.

Another moment, and David victoriously pulled his hooked finger out, a dirty platinum ring stark again his lubed finger. Patrick laughed in relief, and David let himself grin in response, happy that this hadn’t ended with a trip to the hospital. He dropped the ring with the others on the nightstand, then moved to hold Patrick tight to him.

“I was really scared,” David admitted, holding his boyfriend’s body close, wanting to wrap Patrick in his broader frame to protect him.

“I wasn’t,” Patrick said. “I was nervous because I didn’t know if I could keep myself from making it worse, but I knew you would figure it out. I love you, David Rose,” Patrick whispered into his ear, kissing David’s neck and allowing himself to settle into David’s warmth.

“I love you so much,” David admitted. “I can’t believe I almost hurt you like that.”

Patrick brushed David’s stray hair out off his forehead, leaning up to kiss him there, then his temple, then his mouth. “You didn’t hurt me,” Patrick assured him. “We’re okay. One day, this will be a really funny story,” he suggested.

“Let’s just, I don’t ever want that to happen again,” David said. “It might be funny someday, but today it’s just an experience I never want to repeat.”

“Agreed,” Patrick said into his neck, remembering one of David’s earliest lessons about assplay and how all toys should have a flared base for just this reason. “Now come on,” he said, pulling them both up. “I think we both need a shower after that. And maybe we can actually get those orgasms we were working up to.”

“How are you so calm about this?” David asked, surprised at the ease with which Patrick had moved on from this trying experience.

“David, I love you. I want all the experiences with you. Good, bad, funny, depressing, scary—I want it all.”

“You _want_ depressing experiences with me?”

“Umm, yes, because they bring us closer together. Or are you already forgetting the barbecue incident?”

“Not forgetting, just, surprised.”

“I want all of you, David, all of us. Not just the best parts. Now come on, your hands are gross.”

“Hey, they’re only gross cause they’re been in your ass.”

“And I would like them back in my ass, please, so let’s clean them off.”

David let out a little whoop of laughter as Patrick smacked his bare ass, encouraging him into the bathroom.


End file.
